Kindness Is Free

This week I faced a couple of situations that left me angry, and both of them are completely out of my control. In both situations, I would do things completely differently than the people involved, but those decisions aren't mine to make. It's a struggle for me to step back and acknowledge that though. Every part of me wants to yell that I know better, and that people are missing the forest for the trees. It's so easy to make judgments on others. I'm guilty of it, and so are you. We do it every single day - both intentionally and unintentionally. And I am sure I'm not the only one who struggles with wanting to grab people by the shoulders and give them a detailed synopsis of all the ways in which they are messing up. Bad decisions by people doesn't equal bad people. But I have a tendency to go there anyway.

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready to start the day, I was reflecting on both of these specific situations and found myself getting angry again. Situation one received some hurtful words, but it didn't result in me feeling better. I heard one time that if you're doing or saying the right thing, you'll feel better afterwards. Noted, Kris.

In the midst of feeling angry at myself for hurting someone's feelings, I took a step back and thought, what if, instead of immediately casting judgment on the people involved, I chose to encourage them instead? What if we, including myself, realized that we can't possibly know every single detail about someone else's story, and we recognized that those details are not ours to know? What if we didn't decide whether or not someone was worthy to love or respect, but instead we just loved or respected them? What if we tried to understand that people are broken? That they are walking around under the heavy weight of their own self-inflicted judgment and condemnation. And instead of heaping more of that on top. what if we tried to carry some of that load for them? What if, instead of pointing out someone else's flaws, we recognized that we, too, are inherently flawed. and we defended people. Not their actions, but them. Bad decisions do NOT equal bad people.

Saturday morning lesson learned. Well, maybe not learned, but a lesson I'm always learning. We've all been hurt by people, and judging seems a natural reaction based on past experiences. I've been cut so deeply by others that the scars remain, and that I construct wall after impenetrable wall to keep anyone from accessing those forbidden areas of myself. I've lived in the deep caverns of all-consuming hatred. And I've fought with all the tenacity I could muster to unpack and live there. I've clawed my way deeper and deeper, insisting that I know best - justifying the path of destruction as I proudly march down further. But when it's dark, and still, and nothing remains but to examine my heart in all of its ugliness - it's at those moments I know my search for freedom has brought me deep into captivity. And I don't belong there. Though the darkness has come, and will come, I can never willingly make the decision to stay. So I hang my head in shame, and I struggle to make my way out, picking up the pieces as I go. What I know for certain is this: in each situation that comes and results in cruel words, or a poor attitude, or a quick judgment, what I have broken is never the same, and I am never the same.

Though the lesson is always hard, be it personal or professional, and though I always resolve to never go there again, I'm only human. And I will.

But in this new season of life I'm facing - a new city, a new job, new people in my life - I'm making an effort to stop cannonballing into harsh criticism. I'm working on letting go of those things that I cannot control, and focusing on what I can control instead. I can control my attitude, and I can choose to be kind and compassionate, even when it's a challenge. And maybe, just maybe, when it's the most challenging is when it's the most necessary.

Eating Healthy In A Hotel

At the request of my readers...

(let's be real, my mom and bestie are my readers)

((hi mom, hi jenn))

I thought I'd walk through what my attempts to eat healthy in a hotel look like. People tend to be curious about my diet. Friends and family that have watched me shed close to 60 pounds are constantly asking questions about how I'm doing it. Do you want to know the secret?

Eat healthy. And exercise.

The book Eat To Live really transformed my way of thinking about food, so I tend to favor a low-fat, plant based diet. That's how I've lost the majority of my weight. And that's when I feel the best. But I'm not perfect, and I've eaten my fair share of not-so-ideal food while I've been in Minnesota. I'm absolutely trying, and despite the mess-ups, I'm certain I've lost some weight since arriving. I'm not sure how much since my scale is packed up with the rest of my belongings, but the pants I bought about a month ago are now too big, and this weekend I had to go down a size (YAY for single digits now!). I move into my apartment this week, and I'm anxious to weigh and see just how much.

I'm staying in an extended stay type hotel, so there is a full refrigerator and microwave here. Since I've been here three weeks this week, I've been to the grocery store several times. The first trip I didn't take a picture of, but I got similar items to the ones below. I also grabbed some almond butter, and frozen Amy's burritos.

 

Trip two included bananas, pumpkin seeds, romaine, apples, pitas, hummus, Larabars, prepped veggies and sauerkraut. Normally I would buy veggies and chop them up myself, but without good knives and a veggie peeler, I let them do it for me.



 

 

Trip three included grapes, a variety of mostly green juices (Suja and Evolution are my favorite brands for these), more veggies, herbed sweet potatoes, more hummus, salsa, and a spring roll.

I've been doing LOTS of wraps and/or salads with romaine, salsa, hummus, and red onion.

 

I've also been doing almond butter, banana, and dark chocolate chip wraps, because they are amazing. And also, my countertops are the color of my food. That's not weird at all.

 

 #yesitisweird #wheredidmytortillago

 

 

Easy foods are helping me stay on track! And I've still been celebrating my love of pumpkin everything - tis the season y'all!

I've eaten at Jimmy Johns a handful of times (it's close to work AND my hotel), and I love their veggie sandwich! I usually get it on wheat bread, hold the mayo, and add sprouts. It's absolutely delish! And a life-saver for lunch since I've not been faithfully bringing mine in! I'm excited to unpack my Tupperware and transition back to my usual salad and fruit.

I may try and write a "what I ate" post weekly - that'll give you a glimpse into what my typical day of food looks like. The above selections are yummy, but not really typical. I usually cook much more than I am right now. And with cold weather creeping in, I know I'll be living off of soups and stews. If that happens, I may post some of my favorite recipe links, too. That'll get you guys up and running with some Kris-approved yummies!

Exploring

The last couple of weeks have been eventful. Though I'm still enjoying Minnesota from my crappy hotel, it's amazing. The energy here is awesome. There is so much going on, and I want to do it all. The good news is that I'll be moving into my apartment in less than a week, and I'm STOKED. Let the decorating commence! I cannot WAIT to be in my own bed, with my own stuff. Also, my neighbors have sex really, REALLY frequently. And often after a big fight. Unfortunately, it's not polite; it's loud. The first night I was really embarrassed, but now I am used to it. It's still awkward, but I just turn the TV on. I hate to call the front desk - let 'em have fun. I'd rather them have fun when I'm not next door though.

Though I've unpacked a little here, it's not the same. I've also been dying to cook! I'm missing my green smoothies for breakfast, but I'm itching to make a good hearty stew and some crusty bread to soak it all up. It's chilly here, and I've already busted out the boots, so soups and stews are a no-brainer.

Last weekend I got to explore Minnehaha Park, which I've been anxious to do since I arrived. There is a waterfall in the middle of the city, so regardless of the size, it's bound to be pretty amazing. Though the waterfall is lovely, the trails are really fun. They go all around the park, and it's fall. So everything is just gorgeous. Fall is my absolute favorite. Something about the trees turning and the air getting crisp makes me feel invincible. There were wild turkey in the park, too! That made me super happy. Obviously.

Sunday I tried a new church, and I loved it. They were very welcoming and warm, and though I'd considered trying several churches, I've been looking forward to going back to this one all week. What I need are friends, and I saw many women that looked to be around my age there. It's a good place to start.

This weekend is looking to be a fun one, too. I went for a jog this morning, then got a manicure. I'm happy to report I no longer look like Edward Scissorhands. This afternoon I visited a friend and got a little lesson in home brewed beer.

 

Let's talk about how I'm thirty years old and have never been introduced to all of the amazing kinds of craft beer out there. The cook in me appreciates the complexity of brewing unique creations. When I learned that the recipes can be custom-created, I immediately started dreaming of combinations in my head to try. My goal is to manipulate my friend into brewing them for me. He's easily bribed by baked goods, and I am one heck of a good baker, so I think I can convince him. We're gonna call it Operation Kris-B (see what I did there? like krispy? except kris-"b" for brews) I admit, that sounded much better in my head, but I'm far too lazy to brainstorm, so that's the official name. I tried to name a program this week at work, and it didn't go much better than that. Clearly, my marketing class isn't working for me. Or I just do better thinking in the morning. Yes, let's go with that one.

So Far, So Good!

Ever since I arrived last week, I've been dying to update you all. Things are constantly busy though, and I haven't had the chance.

I left Tennessee last Tuesday, and spent the night in Iowa. Since the drive was 14+ hours, I wanted to break it up. I took Millie, and she did fairly well. She cried for the first hour or so, but slept the majority of the way up. The drive was super easy, and mostly through rural areas that felt like home. I saw the St.Louis arch, which was beautiful, and took pictures of all of the state signs as I drove through. I finished up the drive on Wednesday, and arrived at the hotel that I'll call home until mid-October. It's definitely not ideal, but my apartment won't be ready until then, so I'm making it work. My hotel is cheap, but as a result, isn't the most fantastic place I've ever stayed in. There is no gym, which I absolutely hate. I'd been working out daily at home pretty intensely, and working out in my room, or strolling the streets just isn't the same. I found a yoga studio that offers a Vinyasa class on Mondays so I'm going to visit there this coming Monday to try it out. I'm definitely missing it, and itching to get a good workout in. I've been trying to compensate with my food, so there have been lots of salads and juices. A little planning has made eating well easier, but I've definitely enjoyed some of the local food, too. In fact, today for lunch I hit a burger joint that'll be close to my new apartment and had a pretty big burger stuffed with goat cheese and slathered in some sort of blackberry sauce. I also tried cheese curds since I've never had them. Now I'm drinking green juice for supper, ha! I'm anxious to visit some of the breweries around here. There are so many really unique places and beers, that it's hard to not go out often! I keep reminding myself that I'll be here for at least a year, so there will be plenty of time to do it all. Minnesota is amazing, and I love everything about this area.

My favorite season is fall, and it's much more fall here than at home. The trees are already beginning to turn, and they are lovely! I'm hoping to explore the waterfalls this weekend that I couldn't find last time I was here. I know where they are now since they are so close to where I'll be living. I'm glad it's cooled off a bit. People here aren't excited, and I know they aren't anticipating the winter, but coming from 100 degrees and high humidity is making me appreciate the chilly days. And though I may change my mind at some point, I'm pretty excited to see some real snow. Like, over the top, cannot wait.

I started work officially last Thursday, and things are going wonderfully! My job is awesome. It's definitely busy as I am learning, but everyone is nice and I already feel right at home. Not having an hour commute to and from work makes me feel like my day is so much longer! A 10-minute drive is nice. My boss is patient, and an awesome teacher. Watching him work reaffirms my decision to be here; the experience is valuable.

So, onto complaints. I really don't have many. I miss everyone, though. It's different knowing that people aren't right around the corner. And truthfully? I could use a really good hug. I'm sure it'll get easier once I establish a social circle. But that's it. I'm enjoying this new phase of life, and I'm so excited that I said yes to taking a chance and stepping out of my comfort zone. Turns out, it's not quite so scary after all.

Saying "See Ya Later"

Leaving Tennessee happened quickly. With so much to do, the time flew by, and before I knew it, it was time to drive north. I was overwhelmed with the amount of support that I received though! I had dinners, going away parties, received sweet gifts, went to a concert, and got to love on all the people dear to me. I'm already looking forward to my Christmas visit home!

 

 

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard" - Winnie The Pooh

Introduction to Minnesota

I spent last weekend in MN apartment hunting. I was really, really nervous to arrive since I accepted the job prior to ever visiting the state. My biggest fear was getting there, hating it, and feeling consumed with regret about my decision.

My first impression breaking through the clouds on the plane was "holy cow - water!" Everywhere. It was beautifully green, and whatever I had imagined the Twin Cities looking like, they weren't quite as intimidating or concrete as I had envisioned.

I drove through downtown Minneapolis before dinner, and got a feel for the city. It's absolutely lovely. The newer buildings are surrounded by much older, worn architecture via churches, and apartments, and the intricate detailing is breathtaking. I have the urge to photograph everything, but I know that even the most skilled photographer couldn't appropriately capture the details that make the things I love exquisite. The landscaping is old, and up from the middle of the concrete tower big trees that command attention. The side streets remind me of the street my grandparents lived on while I was growing up - older homes, all unique, with tree lined streets and sidewalks, and alleys in the back. I could have spent hours strolling them and admiring the ivy covered homes, and I'm sure that I will before long.

I ate dinner outside on a patio in the most perfect weather, with really good company. And I ended day one absolutely in love with my new home.

Over the weekend I went to a food and music festival with some new friends, and enjoyed awesome food, beer, and really good music. People here are expressive - tattoos, piercings, crazy hair and hippie style everywhere. My braids and do-what-they-want curls will fit right in. I also had a bit of fun with my overly worried daddy, which I'm sure I enjoyed more than he did!

Sunday I explored some more. I tried to find Minnehaha Falls, but wasn't successful. My GPS wasn't taking me there, but I ended up at Lake Nokomis instead, which was fantastic. Parking is tricky here. I'm not used to being in a place where there is ample street parking, so I'm not sure where I'm allowed to park. I drove around for a bit and finally found a parking lot, and a trail right by the water. I walked for quite awhile and stumbled upon a little restaurant right around lunch time, which was perfect. Not a bad view at all!

On the way back to my car I passed a pier and saw several men fishing so I decided to go talk to them. I chatted it up for about twenty minutes, and they showed me the fish they had caught, and even let me cast the line. Everyone here is ridiculously nice - very much like home. These accents though! I must sound as foreign to them as they do to me.

Being there helped me narrow down the area I wanted to be in, so as I was driving around I added several places to my list that hadn't originally been on there. Two of the places didn't have openings until the November/December timeframe, and that just didn't work, but one place had an opening in early October, so I made an appointment Tuesday. I had already looked at five places, but this was the one I wanted to love. The location was absolutely ideal, and just south of the city, which is exactly what I wanted. I walked in, and breathed a sigh of relief as I realized that it was absolutely perfect. Bay window, lots of kitchen storage, stainless appliances, washer and dryer in unit, underground parking, and a great big closet. I put a deposit on it within 15 minutes of walking in. It should be ready by October 10th, so I will be camped out in a hotel for a couple of weeks since I'm moving sooner, but that's totally okay.

I'm feeling so very excited about this move. I can't believe I'm even going to say this, but I already miss it. I have so much exploring to do when I get back, and I.Cannot.Wait.

Big BIG Changes

One of the things I’ve learned about myself this year is that I tend to operate out of fear of the unknown, to a certain degree. I guess we all do a little. We create safety nets full of self-imposed rules and regulations that give us a false sense of security and comfort, and we fight with everything we have to stay there.

A few weeks ago a potential job opportunity unexpectedly landed in my lap. It’s working under someone that I adore personally, and someone who I think I’d be able to learn from. It’s doing something in an area in which I have no experience, but know I need the experience. But that’s just the tip of it. There are so many other positives, and things I would have hand-picked about the situation, that it feels like it might as well have a bow on top. The only downside is the location.

I’ve been planning to move for awhile, and I’d mentally prepared for that. But I was only prepared to move into what I deemed the safe area – driving distance to home, Southeast region, and warm.

This job is none of those things. I spent days over-analyzing the situation in my head…

It’s too far from home.

I’ve never lived anywhere cold.

What if I hate it?

What if I can’t drive in the snow well?

I’ll be alone on my birthday.

How often can I come home?

Will people come visit?

And perhaps the most scary question of all, what if I fail?

All of those questions and concerns though, they aren’t really valid. I can call it whatever I want, but what it really is, is my desire to stay in my comfort zone of familiarity.

“I’m totally brave!! I can do anything…. as long as it falls into the approved list of things I have thoroughly planned on doing.”

I have a friend who has moved all over the country, and I asked him this week how he does it - how he just picks up and moves, and leaves everything he has known. He asked how I would ever know what was out there if I never went. And he’s exactly right. I vowed earlier this year that I would never again make a decision based solely on my fear of the unknown. But it IS scary! Moving to a place far away, where I don’t know anyone, in weather I’m not familiar with, is absolutely the most terrifying thing I’ve ever even thought of doing!

I called my mom pretty early on to talk it over with her. I value her opinion, and I wanted her to see the opportunity in it. I wanted her to grab my ankles and pull me down from the clouds if it was absolute craziness and she didn’t see what I was seeing. She told me that while it is scary, what is scarier is living with the regret of not doing it, and getting stuck in a professional rut. Packing up and moving away isn’t an opportunity that often presents itself at an opportune time. So with my heart beating fast, and my hand shaking a little, I sent a message to the hiring manager, and told him I was interested. 

Things moved very quickly, and I had an interview before I knew it. It was detailed, and lengthy. But I felt really good about it. Then a second interview, which I felt good about. Then an offer, which I accepted.

I spent the past week telling my family and friends, and though everyone was supportive, there were many tears, both theirs and mine.

I have four weeks to move. Four weeks to downsize from 2750 square feet into a tiny apartment. Four weeks to pack 8+ years of stuff. Four weeks to secure movers. Four weeks to familiarize myself with an entirely new state. Four weeks to find somewhere to live that I love enough to sign a lease. Four weeks to prepare myself to go into a new job that I’ve never done before. Four weeks to calm my nerves, and convince myself that I’m not nearly as freaked out and panicked as every single cell in my body feels. And the most difficult… four weeks to prepare to say goodbye to my family and my friends, my comfort zone, my home. Not goodbye, I suppose, but just see ya later.

Let the countdown begin – I’m moving to Minnesota.