Writing is like an old friend. I forget about it for months, on occasion longer, and then as soon as I start typing I'm instantly in my zone, and immediately zenned out. Dan would probably argue that I could get that same high telling my life story to Millie, and he's not too far off. Girl is a talker. But tonight, writing it shall be.
So I moved. Rather hesitantly actually. I didn't share my hesitation with very many people, though I wanted to. When I pulled up my site, I had a draft waiting for me that I never could bear to publish last year:
A couple of months ago, someone that I know at work mentioned a job opening that he thought I would be interested in. It's in operations, which is my background, and it's with a part of the business in which I am completely unfamiliar. Due to some circumstances that are lengthy and difficult to explain, I was in the market for a new position, so I decided to interview. The only challenge is that it's in Fort Worth, Texas. Yikes. I flew down to interview face-to-face, and then got a call the day that Dan and I were scheduled to head to the lake cabin with his family. I got the job offer, and as soon as I hung up the phone, I cried for the next 45 minutes with the door shut to my office. I've always been super excited about new jobs. Always. But for some reason, I don't find myself excited about this one at all. It feels rushed, and I can't help but wonder if I made a mistake. I think part of my unease is having to leave Dan, too. I tried so hard not to fall hard for him. I knew I wouldn't be here long term - that I couldn't be here long term - and the last thing I wanted was to fall in love with someone while I was here. But as much as I tried, it happened, and now there's that.
As I type, there are two men packing up my apartment. The apartment that I absolutely love. This was my first apartment all to myself, and I loved making it all mine. From the pink map in my living room, to my obnoxiously loud quilt, it's the apartment where I got to be me. Maybe that's why I'm so sad about leaving Minnesota. I feel more me right now at this point in my life than I ever have. Which can't possibly make sense. But I think the me I am now is someone I always wanted to be, but just never was. Maybe it's the culmination of dating someone who pushes me a little out of my comfort zone pretty frequently, or feeling accomplished at surviving, and thriving, on a great big move here, or learning a new job and loving it, or figuring out that I'm capable of so much more than I thought. But I just feel...happy. And satisfied. And settled.
Now I have to do it all over again. I know I can. I know that I'll rock this job. And I know that there will be other apartments to decorate. New friends to make. New park trails to explore. Onward then.
I fought against Texas through December. And I'm still not sure I love it here. But all of the other fears have worked themselves out.
I'm in an even better apartment, that's more me than the last one.
Bonus: Millie LOVES watching the birds fly through our courtyard in her window perch.
I'm not rocking my job yet, but I am finally understanding it. Baby steps, y'all.
Bonus: I work with some fan-freakin-tastic people. Seriously, they make my heart happy and I can tell we'll be great friends.
I haven't explored all the parks around here, but I have a trail in my backyard that runs parallel to the Trinity River.
Bonus: It's warm enough here that I can run all year round.
I found a CSA that I pick up from every other week, and I love getting local organic produce. There is a juice bar near my house, and I'm within walking distance of tons of restaurants, Starbucks, and a movie theater and performance hall. I really couldn't have asked for anything better. My biggest complaint is most definitely the long-distance relationship. It's working, but goodness I miss him. Every day. Something will give this year though, and we will find ourselves in the same city again. Stay tuned for more on that.
I'm not sure what is in store for 2016. Will I stay? Will I go again? Will he come here? Who knows. But what I do know is this, two cities down. I've got this. Bring on the challenge.
