A New Yoga Studio and Amazing Dinner!

I love weekends that are super fun without being hectic. That is a perfect description of this past one for me. There is a yoga studio near my house that I've been wanting to get in for awhile. They run a Vinyasa yoga class a couple of days a week from 7-8 PM and then on Saturdays at noon. That is absolutely perfect for my schedule, and the studio is within walking distance. I decided to check it out, so after sleeping in on Saturday morning I strolled that direction. It was a small class - myself, the instructor, and a gay couple, Michael and George. We walked through a little over an hour of poses, including crow and a headstand. I've never been able to successfully hold a crow position before, and as it turns out, my gaze was the only thing stopping me. I'd been looking down at the floor every time rather than looking ahead. I thought I was lacking the strength, but I was just throwing off my balance. The headstand I did against a wall. I haven't really done any regular inversions since high school, so that's going to take awhile to master. Every time I did something well, Michael and George would get super excited for me, and it made me want to carry them around with me for the day. I feel like they would be excellent life cheerleaders.

Saturday night Dan and I decided to check out a restaurant in downtown Minneapolis called Brasserie Zentral. It's a European restaurant, and y'all. Y'ALL. It was SO good.

*I feel like I shouldn't use the words European and y'all in the same sentence.

**Also, we looked really cute. My new black dress rocked, and Dan had on a linen shirt and slacks. This is irrelevant to this story. But seriously. 

***Those curls of his make me happy.

I started off with a creamed asparagus soup topped with hazelnuts, and a glass of delicious white wine. Dan started off with gnocchi with lamb and braised red cabbage, and an Old Fashioned. While everything that we ate was absolutely amazing, his gnocchi was my favorite. It was just melt-in-your-mouth. Super thankful he's a fan of sharing or it would have gotten nasty with me demanding that he give me a bite or seven. For our main course, I got the quark spaetzel, and Dan got the speck wrapped rabbit loin. (I have a confession. I totally had to Google my dish. I didn't know what either of those things were. Chili's in my small town didn't serve either. Moving right along.) My baby pasta had rabbit in it, which was wonderful. I've had rabbit before, but not any that tasted this yummy. We decided to split a dessert, and got the chocolate torte, which was filled with apricot preserves, and topped with chocolate ganache, hazelnut brittle, and chocolate ice cream. Dan got a cappuccino that was perfectly foamy, and I finished off a second glass of wine. When the waiter brought our check, he let us know he comped dessert, and the receipt said "Hooray for dessert!" with a $0 charge. It was such a fun little surprise! It got me super excited about my upcoming trip to Europe for my birthday. 

Sunday, we met up again, and decided to make a salad since we'd eaten so heavy the night before. We grabbed a ton of random things and made one of the best salads ever, because we are awesome in the kitchen, ha! I also made cookies. I'm going to a lake house with Dan's family in a few weeks, and I may bring them, because who doesn't love cookies?! I haven't made many since I've been here, so I figured it was time to bust some out. Such a yummy and fun weekend!

FLORIDA!

This week I had the opportunity to head to Florida with some girlfriends for a much overdue beach vacation. I've known these gals all for 17ish years - a very long time - and we've been wonderful friends despite lots of changes in one another's lives. Jenn and Cyndi still live in Tennessee, I'm obviously in Minnesota, and Vicki lives in Florida. We all flew down, and stayed with Vicki, which was a nice break from paying for a hotel. I can't possibly describe all the fun things we did - late nights up talking, hours and hours sitting in clear, warm ocean water, sharing tears and hugs, squealing at Magic Mike, ice cream, a tour in the Everglades - but even if we hadn't done any of the "extras", it was wonderful to simply have some girl time. I missed my friends.

I'm sitting at the airport now, typing this up, and thinking of how blessed I am to have such wonderful, supportive women in my life that absolutely adore me as much as I adore them. I miss them already, but I'm leaving Florida with such a happy and full heart.

Celebrating the Fourth

Happy belated 4th of July! This weekend was so, so much fun. I only have one requirement for every 4th: fireworks. Preferably A LOT. I absolutely love them; how can you not?!

I had to work during the day Saturday, but got off early afternoon and met up with Dan. We went to a Saints baseball game in St.Paul at a new stadium there, which was absolutely gorgeous. My favorite thing about it? Sooooo many bathrooms! Every woman knows the struggle of bathrooms at a stadium. We got hot dogs, enjoyed some yummy beer, and had super awesome seats to enjoy the game. Baseball is probably my favorite game to watch live. 

The city of St.Paul paired up with the stadium to do the city fireworks there after the game, which was perfect. The game went into a 10th inning, but after it ended the announcer came on and instructed everyone to clap twice on the count of three. We all did, which threw the stadium into darkness, and then they launched a beautiful fireworks display. I watched them with the biggest smile, arms intertwined with Dan's, thinking about how magical it all felt. I think magical is the best description for a night sky that is lit up with multi-colored sparkles. Magical is also how I think it would feel to roll around in a pool full of glitter, but I digress.

Sunday, Dan and I met up early and went to brunch prior to heading over to the Minnesota Arboretum. I'll be honest, I'd never even heard the term arboretum until he mentioned that he bought us tickets to it a few weeks ago. I had no idea what to expect. It began with the University of Minnesota, and has over 1200 acres of gardens, trees, prairies, and various other things. It.Was.Gorgeous! So, we need to stop a minute so I can set the stage for you. One of the first sections that we hit was the herb garden, and right before we walked in, a tiny little chipmunk ran across the path. A CHIPMUNK. As in, they live and sing in Disney movies, adorable little chipmunk! I can't even, y'all. It was a legit struggle to not squeal louder than I did; however, I maintained my composure like a very responsible lame adult. Mostly. 

We wandered through herbs, roses, peonies (daisies are my favorite, but these are an incredibly close second). We walked through the woods and saw an owl hanging out in a tree (you can see him if you click the picture). We walked through the prairie, where we were absolutely swarmed by some obnoxious little bugs. I laughed the most here - I was frantically swatting nonstop with the map, and Dan took off his shirt to swat. We looked ridiculous, but I thought they were trying to kill us and take us back for the winter for their babies. I was ready to get OUT of the prairie. Other than the bugs though, all the long flowering grass was beautiful and peaceful. Then we went through a hedge maze, which was super fun. We took turns choosing the path, and all of mine seemed to lead to dead ends. I'm pretty much the most directionally-challenged person ever, so that isn't surprising. 

We came back to my house, watched the World Cup and made homemade pizza. Dan made me try his, which was a kalamata olive tapenade with roasted red peppers and mozzarella. He knows I hate olives, but insisted I try. I ate three pieces with OLIVES, and I actually liked them. Apparently, adding onion and garlic makes everything better. A televised sports game and olives - WHO AM I LATELY?! Seriously, that's Twilight Zone level stuff. But you know what? Bring on the new things...all the new things.

Some Sunday Randomness

Y'all know that these randomness posts are a snapshot into my head, right? Imagine a hundred people shouting various things your direction - I feel like that's where I'm at right now. Perhaps I should look into meditating and quieting my busy self down, huh? Here's what is happening in the very average life of Kris.

Thursday was one year since my divorce finalized. How is that even possible? A full year. It's been a year and a half since we separated. In some ways, it feels like forever ago. In others, it feels like yesterday. Between that date, the pending sale of my home in Tennessee, and PMSing like a mofo, I was an emotional wreck last week. All the feels. All of them. I'm good, he's good, but it's still a divorce, and that is a sad thing no matter what the circumstances were. Two weeks ago someone at work gave me some great advice. He told me that failing was inevitable, but there are two rules to remember when it happens: fail quickly, and learn from it. That's certainly advice that can be applied to life in general. Though I can't change the past, I can make sure that I take all of the lessons I've learned (so, so SO many) and apply them going forward.

I kindof want to write something worthwhile. Something bigger.

Speaking of things I adore - this guy, y'all. He's the sweetest. That is all.

Oh wait, that is NOT all. Can we talk about the term "boyfriend" real quick? So we've been dating for almost 7 months now. I'm pretty sure that term is appropriate at this point, but it makes me feel like a 15-year old high-schooler with braces and pigtails. I get it. That's the acceptable term, and adults everywhere are using it. Can we universally come up with a grown-up term for "boyfriend"? When we do, let's PSA the heck out of it. In the meantime, I will continue to blush any time that I need to use that phrase.

I've been thinking quite a bit about my career lately. Am I doing it because I'm comfortable there? Because I'm scared to go somewhere else or try something new? Because I'm passionate about it? I'm not sure what the answers to those questions are, but I think they are good questions to ask myself and think about. Lots of thinking about my future. Not in an overwhelming OMG I HAVE TO PLAN kindof way; just...thinking.

I have the travel bug. I want to go everywhere and see absolutely everything. There is such a great big world, and I *need* to explore it. I'm trying to travel somewhere overseas for my birthday in October. I'm not sure where yet, though Germany has been tossed around recently. I'd also love to go on a mission trip at some point. I'd love to be involved in building orphanages, or teaching children, or something to that effect. I'm not ready to adopt quite yet, so in the meantime, I need to find some other ways to be involved. I'd like to sponsor a child, too. I did some research a couple of years ago, and definitely have some organizations in mind, but haven't actually pushed the button. If I can't help all of the children, maybe helping one would make a difference for now. Once my house sells, that will be my first order of business.

I have so many more things going on in my head, but I've gotta make lunch for tomorrow, so I'm out for tonight. Let's all brace ourselves for Monday, shall we?

Going With the Flow...

As a "professional" planner, it's sometimes difficult for me to enjoy the ride of spontaneity. I've written numerous times about how that's been one of my greatest challenges the last year and a half - throwing away all of my plans and just leaping into the unknown, and hoping things fall into place. I still have a tendency to try and plan my next five, ten years out, but every time my mind starts to wander I remind myself to stop, and just sit still for awhile. 

This weekend, a new realization hit. I am ridiculously, stupid happy. Like, really, really happy. I have no idea what the next month looks like. No idea what the next year looks like. And for the first time, in a very long time, it's okay to not know what will happen. Sure, there are some things I would change, but isn't that just life? There are always things to change. But this place of simply enjoying where I'm at? It's my new favorite. 

I'm just going to bask in the blissful glow of my life right now, exactly as it is, and be...happy.

Hiking in Minnesota

Prior to moving to Minneapolis, I was convinced that living in a city would be amazing, and that the constant stream of things to do would satisfy my need to do something different than I did in Smalltown, USA for the first thirty years of my life. And that's true. Being in the city is amazing, and I absolutely love it here so very much. But (and I never thought I'd say this) there are definitely things that I miss about living in the country. I miss the quiet the most. Here, there is a constant hum of noise no matter where I am. I'm sitting in my apartment right now with the windows open, and I can hear traffic, and construction, and airplanes. I miss sitting on my porch and not hearing a single thing. I also miss the stars. Every night that I'm out past dark I find myself straining to find the Big and Little Dippers, and most nights it's just too bright.

There are some places to "hike" in the city - really expansive parks, trails through heavily wooded areas, and even some trails along the river (though, it's a bit of a stretch to call that hiking) - but they pale in comparison to my latest trip up North. A couple months back a friend, who happens to be of the male variety, (do with that what you will) and I decided to spend a few days hiking, and began planning out our trip away. Since I've needed some wide-open green space, I was looking forward to this trip more than I can even begin to tell you. We decided to hike along the North Shore near Lake Superior. I've never been that far north, but since I've moved here numerous people have mentioned how beautiful of an area it is to explore. Lake Superior looks more like an ocean than a lake. It's absolutely gorgeous, and I was so surprised at how expansive it was. No matter where we seemed to go, it managed to sneak into the background.

We ended up covering about 27 miles over the course of 3 days, and saw some of the most spectacular views. Spectacular doesn't seem to do it justice; at times I wanted to gasp when we hit the peaks. Of course pictures don't adequately capture the scenery, but I took plenty.

Though choosing a favorite spot is impossible, one of my favorites was definitely a secluded little beach near the place that we stayed. We had a steep hike down an unmarked hill, and then it opened up to a perfect, completely untouched private beach secluded by giant rock cliffs. It was a stone beach, so I practiced skipping rocks on the water, and then took one to keep. When I got it home, I realized it has a natural design in it that resembles a heart. Appropriate.

Other than some knee issues, I wasn't as sore as I'd anticipated. By the third day, my knee was aching really, really badly and it was a legit struggle not to focus on it. I usually don't ever have any issues with it since the surgeries, but the uneven terrain and all the uphill hiking we had done the previous couple of days were rough on it, and despite icing, it was still a little swollen. We only did 7 miles on the last day, so I toughed it out to see Eagle Mountain, which is the highest point in Minnesota. Totally worth it. One of the best views of the trip.

There were also s'mores with peanut butter (because y'all already know) and a stop at a little town called Grand Marais. It was absolutely charming. There were sailboats, and I grabbed a coffee with local maple syrup and homemade whipped cream at a little coffee house outside next to the water. We also stopped at a famous pie place, Betty's Pies, and grabbed a couple slices to go. Totes worth the hype - they were exceptional - and the perfect way to end our little trip.

Tennessee Fun

I was overdue for a trip back home; I was beginning to feel homesick! I ended up staying for several days after Granny's funeral, and it was so very refreshing to visit. I stayed with my BFF, Jenn, and spending so much time with her little family was wonderful! One of the things I didn't expect when I moved was how difficult... perhaps difficult isn't the right word... time-consuming (maybe?) it is to develop friendships. She and I will celebrate our 21-year friendship anniversary this year, and at this point we are completely effortless. Here, finding friends is quite a bit like dating - you find out if you have similar interests, you see how the other person reacts in frustrating situations, how he/she treats the waiters, if conversation comes easily or has to be forced, and you stress out over whether or not to text and how often. I also tend to feel the need to suppress all of my quirkiness, as if loudly singing in the car, or dancing, or moaning while eating anything with peanut butter will make me seem like a crazy person (though let's be real...there is some crazy there...) And let's not even talk about the stress of how I look. Hanging out with someone I feel the need to impress (guy or girl) makes me incredibly self-aware of every single flaw anywhere. Breakout after a facial (my immediate reality)? Definitely not going out. Discovering frizzy hair that's starting to curl around my face? Tragic. Pink cheeks after a couple of drinks? OMG. It's absolutely ridiculous that I'm that worried, but nonetheless, I am. In an ideal world, I'd like to be confident enough to say that if someone can't embrace all of my flaws and imperfections that he/she doesn't deserve a place in my life, but I still struggle with wanting to be awesome, and worrying that things like a bum I wish was a bit more perky, or skin that I wish wasn't quite so sensitive, or my incessant rambling when I'm the least bit nervous make me not good enough. With Jenn though, all of that is out the window. She literally knows every single thing about me, even the stuff I choose not to tell her. I know her, too, probably better than her husband. She knows all of my imperfections, and survived the entire year that I went dark, and became a not-so-good person in general. I've yelled at her, thrown things at her, and kicked her out of my house, and somehow, she's loved me at my very worst and we've survived. I remember a particular season where we were fighting so much. We hadn't spoken to each other for what felt like forever, and then I found out some news and showed up at her doorstep crying. She opened the door, immediately hugged me, and all was forgiven. That's how we've always been. And that's one of the things I miss the most about being away - substantial, effortless friendships. It's one of those things that simply needs time to cultivate.

 

I also got to catch up with my family and other friends, too. Unfortunately there is never enough time to see everyone, but I definitely made a good dent.

While I was home, I did something that I've wanted to do F O R E V E R. I got a tattoo. I've wanted one since I was sixteen, and everyone kept telling me that I would grow out of it, but I never did. The last several years the desire only intensified, but then I was just too afraid to do it. As y'all know by now, I've been trying to not let fear dictate decisions, so I asked my girlfriend Lori to go with me, and she documented the entire process. I wanted something that was somewhat unique, and it was a toss up between a reference to my favorite book, Pride & Prejudice, or my favorite poem, Annabel Lee. P&P won out in the end, and my tattoo is a tribute to the book I read at least once a year. The anticipation was far worse than the tattoo itself; it didn't hurt that badly at all! In fact, I talked through the entire thing minus the "m". When he hit that part, my toes curled and I stopped talking (squishy face below), but it was quick, and still not that bad. I'm so SO excited about it, and I absolutely love it. The picture below was right after, which is why it's still so pink. It's healing still, so it's dry and itchy, but I should be completely healed up in the next week or so. I can't stop looking at it! It's definitely straight, but I'm holding my shirt in a funny position so it looks a bit off in the picture. I need to take a better one once it heals up completely.

Though it's always a bit bittersweet to leave, it's good to be back home in my own space. I missed my bed, and Millie. I've spent the last couple of days catching up on laundry and chores, and I'm getting ready to re-stock my fridge that is almost completely bare. Tonight the ACM awards come on, and you'd better believe this Tennessee girl is getting her Nashville fix in, even up North. You can take the girl out of the country...you finish the rest.

A Sad Day

Wednesday night as I had just crawled into bed I got a call from my ex telling me that his grandmother had passed. Though it wasn't entirely unexpected, it was still heartbreaking. I felt so very far away from home in that moment, and absolutely longed for the comfort of my family. I went to bed quietly, and sometime in the middle of the night I woke up and finally cried.

"Granny" was very special to me. She was a part of my life for sixteen years, after all. I booked the soonest flight out I could get, and arrived at the funeral home Friday for visitation. She looked peaceful, and beautiful. Saturday was her funeral, and when we got to the cemetery I was overwhelmed with the lack of closure I felt. There were so many things that I wanted to tell her, and I had missed the opportunity because I was far away. I knew I needed to talk to her, despite the circumstances, so on Sunday afternoon I drove back to the cemetery. She was buried in a secluded family cemetery. It's not visible from the road, but a long gravel drive leads to gate that keeps livestock on the property. Once past the gate, the small cemetery is fenced in, and sits by itself in a big field. It's always well-maintained thanks to an attentive family, and it was especially beautiful with all of the fresh flowers from her service. It was pretty and sunny, and I sat in the grass next to her and talked through big tears for the next half hour. Once I started, all of the things I wanted to say spilled out - details of my new life in MN, reassurances that I was happy and okay, apologies for not being there at the end, and so many other things that I needed and wanted her to know. When there was nothing more to say, I finally felt the closure that I'd needed.

As I was wandering around the airport this morning, I came across a section of Yankee candles in a gift shop. Her favorite scent, Midsummer's Night, was sitting there. I picked it up and breathed it in - breathed her in - and smiled. What a special lady she was, and what an honor it was to get to spend so many years loving her.

What A Week!

What a busy couple of weeks I've had! I've been swimming in a sea of back-to-back meetings, deadlines, homework, dirty dishes, and piles of laundry. I haven't felt stressed out much since moving to Minnesota, but this week has been an exception. Middle of the last week was my breaking point, and I just gave up. I had a long list of things that needed to be done, and I decided not to do any of it. I came home, and ran a bath with homemade peppermint salts that a sweet friend made for me for Christmas, and I soaked in my tub for an hour and a half. Drain cool water, refill with hot water, lay down, repeat. Then I pulled out the peanut butter dark chocolate brownies I whipped up, and enjoyed those with a big glass of almond milk. I wrote in my journal, and I finally felt relaxed for the first time in two weeks.

I repeated that scenario again the very next day.

Friday I pulled the tape off of my leg, and let me tell you, that was quite a highlight. It created a super cool design in the bruise itself, and I'm pleased to report that I'm finally healing up. Slowly, but surely!

I knew after being a bit stressed that I was overdue for something fun, so Saturday I hit up the St.Paul winter carnival with a friend. It goes on for weeks, and there are various events associated with it. My particular attraction to this day was a torchlight parade and a fireworks display. It was at a charming little park in the middle of the city, and they had food and a live band playing. There was an area where the ice sculptures were, but because it's been unseasonably warm this year, many had melted and weren't identifiable anymore! When we rounded the corner we both started laughing and referred to them as "the ruins" for the remainder of the night. I did get a few cool pictures though.

The parade itself was fantastic. I heart parades, y'all. They make me seriously happy. It's such a mismatch of the most random things - businesses of all types, kings and queens from the babies to the elderly, animals, and we even had an Olympic bobsledder from Jamaica that walked in it. I love that everyone comes together and has a good time simply enjoying the company of others...little kids running around, people dancing and being silly, and the excuse to not worry about stuff, even if it's only for a couple of hours. I did learn a valuable lesson about Minnesota while I was out: OVERDRESS. I was so cold, and when we'd been outside for about an hour I could no longer feel my feet. People wore full on ski gear and snow boots, but I thought since there wasn't snow on the ground that I didn't need all of that. I.Was.Mistaken. Next time, snow or not, that I'm going to be standing outside I'm wearing a base layer AND my warm boots. I don't even care if it isn't cute. This is the freakin' arctic.

After the parade was done we watched an absolutely awesome fireworks display that happened over the river. It was so beautiful, and such a fun way to end the night! I feel pretty lucky that I'm living in a cool city with fun stuff to do all of the time. It definitely breaks up the monotony of the week!

Mid-Week Ramblings

So, so many random things.

Remember that bruise I showed you? Well I've been exercising pretty consistently, but even after a week it was still a bit sore. I was telling my neighbor about it since she is a physical therapist, and she offered to tape it to encourage it to heal more quickly. I have no idea how that works, but this was the result. Can we just all take a moment and appreciate that I have two, neon-pink octopuses (octupi?) on my thigh? I'm kindof stoked about it. The tape will stay on for 4 days, and I bet I'll have quite the interesting pattern when I remove it.

(Also, I apparently live in those shorts since they've appeared in numerous pictures. Quit judging me.)

Part of the reason I'm exercising is because I'm doing a 7-mile race with a girlfriend on March 28th. I'm still in disbelief that I actually volunteered for that. Eeeeek! I know that isn't a long distance compared to a half or full marathon, but it's a long distance for this non-runner. I'm up to 3 miles, and I'm doing a combination training schedule of both running and PiYo, which is my current favorite workout. I remember not being able to run even a quarter of a mile when I first started to lose weight, so finishing this will be a big accomplishment, and I'm excited.

The friend with whom I'll be running the previously mentioned race is currently in the hospital having a baby. Literally, right now. I adore her, and I'm over the moon she is adding a new little one to her precious family! I'm excited to get to see the baby in March, but I'm also a bit...I don't know...anxious, maybe? I spent a long while planning to have babies of my own, and trying actively to get pregnant. I have a box of baby stuff packed away in my apartment that I couldn't bear to give up. I'm okay with where I'm at right now, but I wonder how being around a new baby will make me feel. My biological clock is screaming at me loudly. I'm doing my best to keep it quiet, and just appreciate where I'm sitting for the time being. Despite the fact that I'm totally happy and content though, I can't seem to forget that I'm out of my twenties, and I have a time limit. I was at the store last week making faces at a tiny little guy, and I got a bit teary-eyed out of nowhere. CONTROL YOURSELF, STUPID HORMONES. It isn't time yet.

I feel continually pushed out of my comfort zone at work lately. It's not a bad thing at all, but it's, at times, challenging. As much as I've grown personally, I feel like I'm growing leaps-and-bounds professionally since moving into this new role. The result is that I am some shade of pink most of the day. Between uncomfortable conversations, public speaking, and trying to keep a wide variety of random emotions in check, I feel myself blushing all.the.time. I hate that I'm so easy to read. Even when I present as calm and confident, my rosy cheeks give me away. I don't quite understand why it's so challenging. I'm pretty good at people in general. I adore people. I talk to random strangers all the time, people find me approachable and I'm always the person in whom everyone confides. I think perhaps the difference is the expectation that I need to be awesome, and the fear that I won't be.

I'm writing this post when I should be doing homework. I'm procrastinating, because I hate being in school. It's necessary, and I see the value, but it's so time-consuming and it never ends. I've been in for almost a full year now with no breaks. I'd love just one week that didn't involve homework. I keep reminding myself that I'll be done in less than a year. Almost, Kris. Almost.

I hit a random "anniversary" (totally crappy term for this, but for lack of a better word I'm going to use it anyway) last week. It's officially been one year since I've been single. Not divorced, but single. That means that I've been through every difficult date, holiday, birthday, and anniversary by myself. What seemed impossible is done. I definitely have thoughts on it, but not thoughts that I could adequately convey at the moment.

This last tiny bit of weight is stubborn and won't move. I'm exercising, and eating fairly clean, and it's just hanging out. Ridiculously annoying. I'm trying to not be focused on a number, but my head hasn't caught up with how I look yet, and I feel like somehow hitting that goal validates the fact that I'm "small". Rationally, I can hear how ridiculous that sounds.  A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine picked me up and I went completely deadweight and freaked out. Like, legitimately freaked out. I was waiting for a grunt, or him to drop me, or something really bad to happen, like his back to snap in half under the weight of me. It didn't, and he acted as if it were fairly effortless. My brain doesn't understand that though. I still feel bigger, and if it's at all possible, maybe even more self-conscious now than I did before I started to lose weight. Before, I was unhappy with everything and just at a point of acceptance about it. Now, I'm starting to be super happy with certain areas of my body (my favorite? visible hip bones!), but that means that "problem areas" are a very real thing. I want everything to look amazing immediately, and it doesn't yet. I've heard people talk about mental blocks, and there is definitely some truth to that. Who knows if hitting that number will help at all. But that's still my goal. Ten pounds left. I can do ten pounds. And then my goal is to workout until everything does look amazing.

I suppose that's enough rambling for today. I should probably finish this homework...sigh...

First Time Skiing

This weekend I went skiing for the first time. A friend of mine (let’s call him D) invited me along, and I was super excited to try it; however, in theory it wasn't nearly as tough as it was in reality! We found a place about an hour from Minneapolis, and they offered a two-hour beginner ski lesson at the start of the day. While I went to my lesson, my very experienced friend hit up some of the black diamond slopes that he knew I wouldn't be seeing. I found myself in a group of 6-7, with an instructor who was super patient and kind. It was very 101 – how to put on your skis, how to get them off, what to do if you fall, etc. He tried to teach us how to turn, but I had a really difficult time grasping that concept, and didn't really master it very well on the bunny hill. I finished my lesson at noon and then we met up to figure out plans. I had every intention of grabbing drinks/lunch at the main lodge that we were next to, but as D was skiing, he discovered a little bar on the other side of the resort that you could only get to via skiing. I completely freaked out because A)I hadn't been on the lift yet, and B)I hadn't been off the bunny hill. I asked him about 10 times in a row if I could do it, and he assured me that I could. He anticipated my freak out, so he’d picked up a map so he could show me the exact hills we would ski down and the location of the bar. I was still apprehensive, but I agreed to give it a try. We got to the lift, and he told the lift operator it was my first time. The guy stopped it to show me how it would come around, and how to position myself when it picked me up. Easy peasy. As it turns out, riding the lift up the hills was my favorite part of the day. It was so beautiful! So halfway up I had another freakout because ohmyGOSH how do I get OFF the lift? Am I about to be catapulted down the mountain?! I CANNOT BE CATAPULTED DOWN THE MOUNTAIN. Once I was reassured that there would be adequate flat ground I was okay. I got off of the lift, and froze. I didn't think I could do it, and I was panicking. It looked too steep, and too long, and I was afraid. I didn't cry, but for a few brief minutes I wanted to. D spent the next ten minutes reassuring me that I could make it to the bottom, and that I simply had to turn my skis down, and I'd be done before I knew it. He reassured me that he would ski behind me the whole time, and that he wouldn't leave me by myself. I finally went, and I fell. Hard. Skis and poles went flying, and D gathered them up and brought them to me. He helped me get up, and I tried again. I fell twice more going down the hill, but I made it. We got some drinks and rested for awhile and then it was time to go back up. The second hill we went down had parts that were much less steep, and I got to practice. D helped me learn to turn my skis to slow down, and I started to get the hang of it. I fell so many more times (seriously, SO much), but I got more confident each time. Then we hit the hill that made my day. I took a deep breath, and went for it. I wasn't panicked, and I was finally able to process what was happening - "you're too fast, slow down a bit by turning your skis in a little; go around this person; you're standing up so squat down a little more; keep your arms in" - and before I knew it, I was at the bottom. I started to freak out a little when I realized I didn't know where to go, because I wasn't able to slow down as much as I needed when I got near the end. Then I heard D, who had skied behind me the entire time, talking me through where to turn, so that the ground would naturally stop me - he saw me looking around, and knew what I was thinking. Y'all. When I came to a stop I could have exploded into some rainbows. I was so excited that I finally made it down and I'm pretty sure I smiled the most ridiculous, cheesy smile the rest of the day. We did several more runs successfully, and I loved it. We wrapped up the end of the day in the lodge drinking beer and watching people ski down a timed course. It was a super fun day! 

All those falls left a mark though. When I fell, I favored my left side apparently, and this happened. Both sides, and my bum, swelled up.

I wasn't in pain through the day, but by the end of the day, I was super tender. I spent the next 48 hours icing it down, and it's still a bit sore still, though the swelling is all gone. It produced, by far, the coolest bruise I've ever had, and maybe the largest. Here's the evolution over the course of the last week...pretty gangster, no?

After I had some alone time to process the day, I couldn't help but think of how representative it was of my life this past six months. I've stood on the top of that proverbial  hill so many times, and completely frozen. What I've found though, is that when I trust myself, and my ability to do whatever it is I'm trying to do, I make it. Sure, I might fall, and end up with some nasty bruises along the way, but that's part of it. And the more I go down the hills, the more confident I become in my ability to go down more. 

If you're standing at the top of your hill, let me offer a little gentle encouragement, and a virtual pat on the bum...

You've got this. You're stronger than you think you are. You'll make it to the bottom, and if you fall, it's okay - everyone does. It's less scary than you think. You've made it so far already, and the end is in sight. Just take the first step. Even if it's a tiny step, take it. Before you know it, you'll be finished, and the satisfaction is priceless.