Wednesday night as I had just crawled into bed I got a call from my ex telling me that his grandmother had passed. Though it wasn't entirely unexpected, it was still heartbreaking. I felt so very far away from home in that moment, and absolutely longed for the comfort of my family. I went to bed quietly, and sometime in the middle of the night I woke up and finally cried.
"Granny" was very special to me. She was a part of my life for sixteen years, after all. I booked the soonest flight out I could get, and arrived at the funeral home Friday for visitation. She looked peaceful, and beautiful. Saturday was her funeral, and when we got to the cemetery I was overwhelmed with the lack of closure I felt. There were so many things that I wanted to tell her, and I had missed the opportunity because I was far away. I knew I needed to talk to her, despite the circumstances, so on Sunday afternoon I drove back to the cemetery. She was buried in a secluded family cemetery. It's not visible from the road, but a long gravel drive leads to gate that keeps livestock on the property. Once past the gate, the small cemetery is fenced in, and sits by itself in a big field. It's always well-maintained thanks to an attentive family, and it was especially beautiful with all of the fresh flowers from her service. It was pretty and sunny, and I sat in the grass next to her and talked through big tears for the next half hour. Once I started, all of the things I wanted to say spilled out - details of my new life in MN, reassurances that I was happy and okay, apologies for not being there at the end, and so many other things that I needed and wanted her to know. When there was nothing more to say, I finally felt the closure that I'd needed.
As I was wandering around the airport this morning, I came across a section of Yankee candles in a gift shop. Her favorite scent, Midsummer's Night, was sitting there. I picked it up and breathed it in - breathed her in - and smiled. What a special lady she was, and what an honor it was to get to spend so many years loving her.
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