Race Day Thoughts

I'm doing a race a month for 2016. It'll help me prep for my 10K, and ultimately, my half-marathon. I didn't get to do a formal one in January, though I did do a 5K on the treadmill, so this morning was my first "official" race of the year. I did the Form Follows Fitness race in Dallas, and I was all the nerves. The last official race that I did was a 5K, and it was years ago, pre-weight loss, pre-running. I think I finished it after 50 minutes. All I could think of this entire week was that race. I was worried that I wouldn't do well and would finish with the walkers again. I know what I've been running, but I've been running a familiar route, and I didn't know what to expect with this one. I did know that there was a hill at the end though, and I haven't done much hill work so I thought that might stop me.

These were my race day thoughts today though.

Immediately after waking up:
"Remember that you are walking up to that starting line, not for your friends, your family or your Facebook status. You did this for you. No one will be walking you up to that line. You put in the work. You made the right choices. The healthy, sometimes boring and crummy choices. You earned those nerves running through your skin right now. As you're packing in with all the other runners...music blaring...bouncing around on your toes...getting in that last stretch...just remember that those nerves...those goosebumps...it's excitement because you're ready to kill this. Keep your knees up and keep your eyes forward. And when you hit the second mile and you start to feel it, kick your feet out, pump your arms, keep your form, keep breathing. Don't stop when you're tired...stop when you're done. And as you cross the finish line, remember to smile. Enjoy it, soak it in. It may not be your half marathon, but it's the first big step. And you're ready for it. You've trained for it. And you're a bad ass."

On the way to Dallas:
Music blasting, singing my heart out. "You've got this, Kris. Nothing to be afraid of. Trust that you've got it."

Lining up:
"All these people look faster than me. What if I trip? Why do my headphones feel funny? I should have jumped around a bit more. It's okay, adrenaline will get me through the first mile and then I'll figure it out."

0.5 mile:
"OMG. Adrenaline is NOT getting me through this. This does not feel good. I'm never going to run this entire thing. Don't stop. Keep going."

1 mile:
"Now you've got this. Much better. Definitely warm up next time; you know better than that. Look at how many people I'm passing. Seriously so many people! Why can't I hear my music? These headphones suck and I need new ones. I just got these! I hate them."

1.5 miles:
"I'm almost halfway there. This is really uncomfortable. Focus on that building. There, that's better. Keep your knees up and keep your eyes forward. You haven't needed to walk, and you won't. You've got this."

2 miles:
"When you hit the second mile and you start to feel it, kick your feet out, pump your arms, keep your form, keep breathing. Don't stop when you're tired...stop when you're done. You're more than halfway there. You're still passing people. OMG she's so pretty and I just passed her! And she's smaller than me, and I passed her, too! This training is paying off! OHMYWORD this is uncomfortable. I'm beating my pace goal."

2.5 miles:
"I'm ready to stop. I can't keep running. Yes I can. I am. Look, still going. OOOOH Eminem came on! I LOVE this song! You're a total bad ass. You're almost done. I know it hurts, but you can be sore later...OOOOH! I can get Starbucks after this run! Need.Coffee. Look how big this guy coming up is! His muscles are HUGE! You just passed him. Don't smile, don't smile. You're not there yet. Still beating your pace."

3 miles:
"There's the hill. That's bigger than I thought. I can't make it up and I'm too tired. Walk a few seconds, then power through. Alright, walking is nice. Too nice. Nope, can't walk. Better run. I can see the finish. Just go. OMGMYLEGSHURT. This hill sucks. I should really do more hills. HOLY COW I'm passing people ON THE HILL. You're almost done, Kris. Almost done."

3.1 miles:
"As you cross the finish line, remember to smile. Enjoy it, soak it in. You're there. You made it."

I finished. I didn't smile as I crossed the finish line, but the guy that handed me my medal got the biggest smile ever, and it made him smile, too. I went in wanting to pace under 11 minutes a mile. That's slow, but this is my story, and I get to make my own rules. I paced at 10:54, and my official finish time was 34.07. My next race I'm shooting for under a 10:30 pace. I had to coach myself through it, but I did it. And I'm getting better! I still hate running, but I sure do love the satisfaction of doing something that I thought I couldn't. Just you wait, half-marathon. I'm coming for you.

Miss Grumpypants

This post is brought to you by hangry. In an attempt to veer myself back on track, I decided that a 3-day detox sounded like a super idea. I'm a day and a half in, and I.Am.Hungry! Which has evolved into hangry. As it turns out, when you're running, your body expects some food. Mine seems mad at me and my tummy sounds like a dying whale pleading for some nourishment.

That's perhaps a bit dramatic. Moving right along.

I have two big goals this year. Like, guys. If I can accomplish these, it will literally feel like the most amazing acomplishment of my life to date. The first one is to run a half-marathon. The second is to hit 125 pounds. You guys know the whole weight-loss story. On my 30th birthday, I made a goal of 125. I didn't have any idea what that looked like because I am pretty sure I didn't even weigh that in high school. I hovered somewhere around 130 pre-knee injury. But that was the goal. And I'm so close. In MN, I got down to around 133 (though 135 was the norm) and then fall, and Europe, and the holidays happened, and now I'm stuck at 140.

(we're friends here, right? I can totes tell you that.)

Anyway, I'm feeling all the annoyance at that number right now. Thus, detox = better diet moving forward. I know I've got this. But I want it NOW.

The whole running thing. Ugh. So I'm running 3 days a week. And I'm steadily adding on distance. But it sucks. Like, OMG. The last 3 runs I've noticed that at mile 2.6 my body is all, "Okay. We're done here." and feels like it wants to collapse into a pile of jello on the sidewalk (piggyback rides home, anyone?). If I push through that and make it to 3, then I'm okay. And by okay, I mean my legs are yelling and I'm sweating and pink and uncomfortable. I saw a girl today running and she looked like a Victoria's Secret model with her gentle glisten and perfect swaying ponytail. And I said some VERY ugly things to her in my head as she passed. And I didn't even feel bad. (Give me a break. Need.Food.) So today was a 4 mile run, which is my longest to date. And I'm super proud of that. But I am slow. So very slow. I'm much faster on a treadmill, though still not fast. I know that'll improve as I continue to run though. And actually, my pace today was faster than my pace last week for 3.5 miles. So, silver linings? But I can't even fathom running a half-marathon? Literally. Today around 3.5 I was fighting off walk breaks and kept thinking of when I couldn't run a quarter of a mile. That gave me the energy to push through, because though 4 miles still isn't a crazy distance, it's a good distance for me. I'll keep taking it a half mile increase at a time, and we'll see what happens. My first 10K is in May, and that in and of itself will be quite the accomplishment. Like, there may be tears. Because when you're red and sweaty and your hair is gross, why not throw something else into that mix of absolute beauty and perfection? Ha!

Also, I've been postponing adding in Crossfit, but I start on Tuesday, and I'm all the nerves about that. It's intimidating. But it makes me feel strong, and I know it'll help push me towards both big goals for this year. One of these days, when I'm married and chasing littles around, I won't have time for that. So now is a good time. Plus I always eat better when I'm intensely sore :)

Okay, rant off. Time to knock out some homework and dream about the steamed veggies and egg whites I get to consume in an hour and a half. It's ridic to be that excited about solid food, but y'all don't even know.