There are moments, and people, and places that have the capacity to challenge everything that is, and I've had my fair share over the last couple of years. I thought I might be done. I was finally settling into a new normal, and here comes Texas, rolling in like a hurricane. The planner in me wants desperately to analyze every detail of every thought that I've had while I've been here,but despite that, I simply cannot. Lately I find myself dreaming of the future, and I'm struggling with what is the now, and what I want the future to be. In all the ways - location, job, field of work, salary - all the ways. What if I'm falling in love with Texas a little bit? And what if that totally surprised me and caught me off guard?
Every time I make a plan in my head, it blows up. Maybe that's just my internal challenge to stop trying to plan everything out, and just trust what will be. What is.
But there are moments. People. Places. The girl at work who has a story similar to mine in so many ways that only we know, who already feels like a life-long friend. The homeless kid at Walgreens that I talk to and buy food for every few weeks. The people that I belly laugh with on a daily basis. The trail behind my apartments that I've come to love, where I am continually reminded that I underestimate what I'm capable of, and where I will most likely cross off my bucket list item of completing a half-marathon.
As a creature of habit and routine, I can't think of what it will feel like to leave all of this and move again. I felt like Texas would be temporary from the beginning. And I still feel like that. But what a beautiful thing it is to go somewhere and be swept off my feet in ways that I couldn't imagine. To go somewhere with familiar accents, that remind me of home. To meet people who will permanently change who I am. To achieve things here that I couldn't have fathomed three years ago. To grow and evolve some more, when I thought I might get a break, and to be challenged to just become better overall.
Though I cringe a little thinking of not having a life plan, I also smile a little because I'm getting used to it. And because I'm getting better at rolling with it. And because my life is such a big adventure these days. Sometimes we need a little adventure; it reminds us who we are. Who we really are. And sometimes we lose that in the process of life, and we need a little help rediscovering it. I'm oh-so-happy that I found a little more in the most unexpected of places.
Fine, Texas. You win. We can be friends now.
