This week I'm home in Tennessee. I was severely overdue, and I could tell I needed to take some time off to spend with my family. The last time I took a full week off was this time last year, when I came home for a funeral. My visits in-between have been quick weekends, and those just aren't the same.
I've had the most wonderful time. I've gotten to spend quality, non-rushed time with my parents, and my brother and nephew. I've seen many of my friends (unfortunately I missed a few!), and I've had a week to simply relax. I got to help my dad move, see my gram (grandma) who has been in and out of the hospital, and see my nephew play a couple of baseball games. I collected eggs with my mama, which is no big deal for her, but something that I do not get to participate in usually. While nothing "big" happened, it's always big to me to be able to participate in their lives again. We talk often, but it just isn't the same. Tonight as I prepared to say bye to my daddy, I sat outside fighting back tears and trying to pull myself together because I didn't want him to see me upset. I know I'll see him soon, but I miss him. And all of them. Every single day.
It was interesting to be home again and temporarily live in my small town, having now lived in two other cities. Last year when I was home, I missed my small town. This year, I did not. Of course I miss the people here, but not the town or the lifestyle. And honestly? That completely surprised me. While there isn't anything wrong with living there, it's very easy to never get out, for whatever reason. I see it with many of my own friends, even, so leaving was the best decision that I've ever made. My goodness, how things are different in other places! I think I always wanted more. Every few years I would daydream about moving to another state. I'd spend hours researching and looking up details. Or I'd dream of traveling somewhere exotic, and seeing some of the great big world. I knew there had to be more, but it took me a very long time to actually make the leap and see for myself. And I was right. I did want more. I needed more. I needed fairs, and trails, and breweries on the weekends. And movies in the park. I needed to know that I could be independent, and that I was making decisions that I wanted to make, rather than making them because of where I lived. I needed to know that I was happy with myself, and that I didn't require a family to feel fulfilled. And I needed to learn to listen to my inner voice, so that next time I need to do something, I won't take ten years to do it. Now that I've seen what there is, I'm not sure I'd ever be happy in a place like that again. And I'm feeling pretty darn content about that.
I fly back home tomorrow, and though I am sad to leave I am anxious to be back in my own environment. I miss Millie, and I miss my space. I feel rejuvenated though, and much more prepared to tackle the next few months. College-graduation, half-marathon, and 125 pounds - here I come.
