Big BIG Changes

One of the things I’ve learned about myself this year is that I tend to operate out of fear of the unknown, to a certain degree. I guess we all do a little. We create safety nets full of self-imposed rules and regulations that give us a false sense of security and comfort, and we fight with everything we have to stay there.

A few weeks ago a potential job opportunity unexpectedly landed in my lap. It’s working under someone that I adore personally, and someone who I think I’d be able to learn from. It’s doing something in an area in which I have no experience, but know I need the experience. But that’s just the tip of it. There are so many other positives, and things I would have hand-picked about the situation, that it feels like it might as well have a bow on top. The only downside is the location.

I’ve been planning to move for awhile, and I’d mentally prepared for that. But I was only prepared to move into what I deemed the safe area – driving distance to home, Southeast region, and warm.

This job is none of those things. I spent days over-analyzing the situation in my head…

It’s too far from home.

I’ve never lived anywhere cold.

What if I hate it?

What if I can’t drive in the snow well?

I’ll be alone on my birthday.

How often can I come home?

Will people come visit?

And perhaps the most scary question of all, what if I fail?

All of those questions and concerns though, they aren’t really valid. I can call it whatever I want, but what it really is, is my desire to stay in my comfort zone of familiarity.

“I’m totally brave!! I can do anything…. as long as it falls into the approved list of things I have thoroughly planned on doing.”

I have a friend who has moved all over the country, and I asked him this week how he does it - how he just picks up and moves, and leaves everything he has known. He asked how I would ever know what was out there if I never went. And he’s exactly right. I vowed earlier this year that I would never again make a decision based solely on my fear of the unknown. But it IS scary! Moving to a place far away, where I don’t know anyone, in weather I’m not familiar with, is absolutely the most terrifying thing I’ve ever even thought of doing!

I called my mom pretty early on to talk it over with her. I value her opinion, and I wanted her to see the opportunity in it. I wanted her to grab my ankles and pull me down from the clouds if it was absolute craziness and she didn’t see what I was seeing. She told me that while it is scary, what is scarier is living with the regret of not doing it, and getting stuck in a professional rut. Packing up and moving away isn’t an opportunity that often presents itself at an opportune time. So with my heart beating fast, and my hand shaking a little, I sent a message to the hiring manager, and told him I was interested. 

Things moved very quickly, and I had an interview before I knew it. It was detailed, and lengthy. But I felt really good about it. Then a second interview, which I felt good about. Then an offer, which I accepted.

I spent the past week telling my family and friends, and though everyone was supportive, there were many tears, both theirs and mine.

I have four weeks to move. Four weeks to downsize from 2750 square feet into a tiny apartment. Four weeks to pack 8+ years of stuff. Four weeks to secure movers. Four weeks to familiarize myself with an entirely new state. Four weeks to find somewhere to live that I love enough to sign a lease. Four weeks to prepare myself to go into a new job that I’ve never done before. Four weeks to calm my nerves, and convince myself that I’m not nearly as freaked out and panicked as every single cell in my body feels. And the most difficult… four weeks to prepare to say goodbye to my family and my friends, my comfort zone, my home. Not goodbye, I suppose, but just see ya later.

Let the countdown begin – I’m moving to Minnesota.