Kindness Is Free

This week I faced a couple of situations that left me angry, and both of them are completely out of my control. In both situations, I would do things completely differently than the people involved, but those decisions aren't mine to make. It's a struggle for me to step back and acknowledge that though. Every part of me wants to yell that I know better, and that people are missing the forest for the trees. It's so easy to make judgments on others. I'm guilty of it, and so are you. We do it every single day - both intentionally and unintentionally. And I am sure I'm not the only one who struggles with wanting to grab people by the shoulders and give them a detailed synopsis of all the ways in which they are messing up. Bad decisions by people doesn't equal bad people. But I have a tendency to go there anyway.

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready to start the day, I was reflecting on both of these specific situations and found myself getting angry again. Situation one received some hurtful words, but it didn't result in me feeling better. I heard one time that if you're doing or saying the right thing, you'll feel better afterwards. Noted, Kris.

In the midst of feeling angry at myself for hurting someone's feelings, I took a step back and thought, what if, instead of immediately casting judgment on the people involved, I chose to encourage them instead? What if we, including myself, realized that we can't possibly know every single detail about someone else's story, and we recognized that those details are not ours to know? What if we didn't decide whether or not someone was worthy to love or respect, but instead we just loved or respected them? What if we tried to understand that people are broken? That they are walking around under the heavy weight of their own self-inflicted judgment and condemnation. And instead of heaping more of that on top. what if we tried to carry some of that load for them? What if, instead of pointing out someone else's flaws, we recognized that we, too, are inherently flawed. and we defended people. Not their actions, but them. Bad decisions do NOT equal bad people.

Saturday morning lesson learned. Well, maybe not learned, but a lesson I'm always learning. We've all been hurt by people, and judging seems a natural reaction based on past experiences. I've been cut so deeply by others that the scars remain, and that I construct wall after impenetrable wall to keep anyone from accessing those forbidden areas of myself. I've lived in the deep caverns of all-consuming hatred. And I've fought with all the tenacity I could muster to unpack and live there. I've clawed my way deeper and deeper, insisting that I know best - justifying the path of destruction as I proudly march down further. But when it's dark, and still, and nothing remains but to examine my heart in all of its ugliness - it's at those moments I know my search for freedom has brought me deep into captivity. And I don't belong there. Though the darkness has come, and will come, I can never willingly make the decision to stay. So I hang my head in shame, and I struggle to make my way out, picking up the pieces as I go. What I know for certain is this: in each situation that comes and results in cruel words, or a poor attitude, or a quick judgment, what I have broken is never the same, and I am never the same.

Though the lesson is always hard, be it personal or professional, and though I always resolve to never go there again, I'm only human. And I will.

But in this new season of life I'm facing - a new city, a new job, new people in my life - I'm making an effort to stop cannonballing into harsh criticism. I'm working on letting go of those things that I cannot control, and focusing on what I can control instead. I can control my attitude, and I can choose to be kind and compassionate, even when it's a challenge. And maybe, just maybe, when it's the most challenging is when it's the most necessary.